Well, I am glad we're slowly coming to figure out what's making me sick but we're still not 100% cause we still have to run tests right now it's just a suspicion. My first test to see if I have Crohn's and/or Colitis is on Augest 8th. I hate it that the date is so far away but the hospital is pretty tight for appointments.
What pushed me to get the original appointment to find out what was making me sick all the time was that I nearly got fired from my job from calling in sick more than they liked. In fact I have already been fired from my previous job because if me being ill all the time. But since my new work knows I'm going about finding out what's making me sick and getting it treated they didn't fire me. Though right now I'd love nothing more to quite but I need the money too much to quit.
Well I guess this is where my new road begins. I'm really glad I have the love and support from my boyfriend Kentaro cause I don't think I would be as calm about things if it weren't for him. I love you Taro-kun! Thank you for being by my side.
- Mood:
sick - Music:Coin Locker Baby // Miyavi
This is the first AMV I am releacing under the name "MystikRave"
I really don't know how to describe this AMV of mine. I was feeling down and I randomly started making an AMV, this is what came out of not really paying attention to what I was doing and wow, it turned out really good.
The AMV mostly reflects upon Ritsuka and his pain of loosing his brother Seimei and his memories.
BELOVED
Anime: Loveless
Music: Memories // Within Temptation
My grandfather asked me to stay home from work tomorrow to help out on things here and call other family in case something happens.
I'm scared I'll get into trouble with work. Well here is my emergency they know my Grandmother was sent to the hospital 2 week ago... Oh well, if they hate me for doing what I told here, screw them.
*Says that dispite what I wrote in previous journal entry*
My family comes first.
- Mood:
worried
I don't like taking taxi's by myself for several reasons, I don't like the idea of being in a closed space with a stranger, even more so if it's a man. There are reasons why I have that fear but they are too personal to discuss some of you already may know why I would be afraid of that. Though the reason may be obvious I don't want to say it. I'm scared of getting hurt like that again.
Though if I work later past a time where I'm still aleast to get the 84 and 95 then I guess I'll walk from Place D'Orleans to where I live, though I don't fancy that Idea of walking home in the weee hours of the morning much better but at least I'm not in a closed space and I can run the second I get scared.
I"m really starting to feel guilty for not being able to close the Dish Pit at night and I feel a couple of the guys (not Hans or Mark but a couple of the others) are starting to get annoied with me on that. Mark and Hans know I can't always stay late but I am willing to find ways too a couple times a week and I'm going to try to do it more often I just hate having to depend on my grandparents for rides home after. It's not fair to anyone.
I also don't want to take a taxi home from work cause it will cost me an arm and a leg. XP I like my limbs, with out them I wouldn't be able to work at all.
In the last couple days, I've felt a bit in the way for the fact I I was a bit slow there has been alot on my mind and I also wasn't myself in the last few days where I haven't been able to sleep well and I've been going into work extremely tired. Today for example I was puring running on caffine I was drinking Pepsi and Root Beer like no tomorrow. My bladder wil thank me later... *drinks some water to keep my bladder and kidneys alive* XP
The last couple days have been rough I'll keep trying harder, I made a promise to try my hardest and do my best and that's what I plan to do. Even if it seems like my hardest isn't good enough I'll try harder, I may start crying but I'll keep working while I am crying.
Heh, that happened last night... and today too. Where I starting crying at work, but I kept working.
Heh, believe me or not but I still like my job, I need this job for alot of reasons logical and not so logical. Obvious and Personal reasons. I need to prove something to myself and the only way I can do that is keeping and holding this job.
Thank you Juhnun, for helping me thank you for my Job. Thank you.
I will keep that promise I'll keep trying my hardest.
- Mood:
exhausted - Music:Drain Away // Dir en gey
- Was in Kingston helping my Aunt out
- Got asked out by my close friend Juhnun and said sure
- Went to Dir en grey concert with friends
- Went home and spent time with family, friends and of corse... Juhnun.
- Decided to stay in Ottawa cause my Mom got even more instable while I was away and needed to stay with her to keep and eye on her.
- Aunt took things the wrong way and disowned me.
- Alot of crap that's too long and painful to type up.
- Got mom to Move in with her parents
- Went to stay with my dad for a few weeks in Cornwall.
- Came back to Ottawa and stayed with Grandparents and Mom // Still am.
- Got pressured into looking for a job.
- 4 Weeks of searching an alot of crap from family.
- Got a job at a Boston Pizza location.
- Tis Working and is able to go to Anime North after all.
- Broke up with Juhnun... >_<;;
Thus stuff so far...
- Mood:
awake
The Broward County (FL) Sheriff's Office has produced a 3-minute video - available for easy viewing on the Web - that everyone should watch! It illustrates a particularly sneaky form of identity theft, carried out while the victim is pumping gas.
So... 2 weeks ago my friends Hayley, Larisa and I went to see Dir en grey in Toronto. We got to the Guvernment around 1:30 - 2:00pm and we weren't all that far from the front of the line. There were still a good 50 or so people in front of my friends and I.
We met some pretty awsome people while waiting in like alot of their named I can't remember now if I ever knew them in the first place. Ken, Vicky, Kai, Jen (2) ... and others. Here is my video of the line that I quickly took at about 20 mintutes before the doors opened. Dir en grey Concert Line in Toronto @ Guvernment
From where I was in the crowd once we got in and Dir en grey got on stage, I could only see Kaoru and Toshiya but that's ok I love them. I saw Kyo every now and then I saw him best when he was standing on his crate and when I was trapped behind a guy with a girl on his back who was wearing a backpack, I mean that packback wacked me in the face several times. Oh well, a guy I met in the croud who was standing near me got me out from behind them and I had a pretty awsome view from then on. THANKS KAI!!!!
I only saw Shinya once twice at most, Die I'd see every now and then but as I said from my angle I could only really see Kaoru and Toshiya clearly and Kyo everynow and then, it was hard cause I was one of the many short people in the crowd.
There were some REALLY tall people at the concert who I was stuck behind for awhile but once they noticed short people behind them they pushed them forward closer to the stage. *Was one of the short people push forward*
Trampled Count: 2
Ok who here remembers the first wave of major pushing that made a whole bunch of people on one side of the room fall over? I got trapped underneith that, took 4 people to drag me out from under it. It was painful kinda fun in a way after you've gotten out of it - you laugh about it kinda way. Did that make any sence?
Well, everything was awsome but sadly I couldn't buy anything cause I had no money from it was missing from when I arrived in Toronto the day before and when someone offered to buy me something all the diru stuff was gone. T__T
The concert was over all AWSOME I sang through, Obscure, The Final, and Ryoujoku no Ame. =^-^=
I can't wait till they come back again!!!
Also thank you Hayley for letting me stay at your house, it was very kind of you!!! ^_^
- Location:Ottawa, Ontatrio
- Mood:
bouncy - Music:The Final // Dir en grey
Ok.... so cause I'm in a good mood, I'm sharing all the Jrock icons I've ever made. I even made some new ones last night.
The Icons are of...
Dir en grey, Gackt, Hyde and Miyavi.
I hope you like them.
Please Comment if you like and take any and please credit if you use them.
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- Mood:
artistic
- Location:Kingston, Ontario
- Music:Amber - Dir en grey
My Poem "Beautiful Girl" has won an "Editor's Choice Award" back in November of 2005 at Poerty.com.
- Mood:
chipper
The camera was on and we just messed around and improved. This was done just an hour after my hair was cut and dyed. Isn't it awsome? lol Have fun watching this video it's really funny!!! ^__^
Sandra's Personal Card:
The Lovers
This Deck: Etteilla
General Meaning: Although it has taken on a strictly romantic revision of meaning in some modern decks, traditionally the Lovers card of Tarot reflected the challenges of choosing a partner. At a crossroads, one cannot take both paths. The images on this card in different decks have varied more than most, because we have had so many ways of looking at sex and relationships across cultures and centuries.
Classically, the energy of this card reminded us of the real challenges posed by romantic relationships, with the protagonist often shown in the act of making an either-or choice. To partake of a higher ideal often requires sacrificing the lesser option. The path of pleasure eventually leads to distraction from spiritual growth. The gratification of the personality eventually gives way to a call from spirit as the soul matures.
Modern decks tend to portray the feeling of romantic love with this card, showing Adam and Eve at the gates of Eden when everything was still perfect. This interpretation portrays humanity before the Fall, and can be thought to imply a different sort of choice -- the choice of evolution over perfection, or the choice of personal growth through relationship -- instead of a fantasy where everything falls into place perfectly and is taken care of without effort.
Fast Facts About The Lovers
Theme: Integrate two potential realities or let go of one of them.
Astro Association: Gemini
Element: Air
Number: 6
Alias: Love
---
I found it really ironic considering what's been going on lately with me relationship wise. So... I went and got a tarot reading.
My Question: What path should I take in love, continue to wait for Juhnun or pursue after Ek or does fate have something else waiting for me?
This was my card spread:
Advice: Four of Coins
Near Future: Strength
Like So:
This is how my friend Scott reads it...
You're faced with a choice that you need to make and how you decide may also affect others around you, so you must think and choose wisely. Your actions will greatly influence others and you must consider that as well. Once you have made your desicion, you must not be tempted to reconsider at someone elses expense. You must be firm in your choice and not be shifted because you may hurt someone in the process.
- I think he's right but there are a few things missing... I need more time to think about this... the reading and the situation. Though the "upcoming event" I think the cards are refurring to is the date I have with Ek on the 8th. I hope I have things figured out by then but as the cards say and I will take their advice in not being haisty and I shall take my time but being aware of the things playing out and be strong in my choices and behaivor. I'll edit this more as I decode it. xP
- Mood:
curious - Music:Beast of Blood // Malice Mizer
Raven: "She say she love you long time"
Ryohei: "I can't believe that it is true"
Raven: "There's no doubt you're good lookin'"
Ryohei: "I long to be like you"
We stopped for a few cause I showed him my Ryo-bunbun.
Then we started over...
Ryohei: "Its much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality"
Raven: "Then you'll find the strength that will guide your way"
Ryohei: "If I could find you now things would get better, we could leave this town and run forever"
Raven: "Everywhere we go the sun won't always shine but tomorrow will find a way "
Ryohei: "I was waiting on a different story"
Raven: "Sounding out -your voice- calling to me. There's no time to be standing around READY STEADY GO"
Ryohei: "Is it cool if i hold your hand?"
Raven: "Watching your innocent face as you played in the glimmering waves. Running all over the beach barefoot, How I adored you."
Ryohei: "There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street, we would walk on the beach in our bare feet, we were both 18, and it felt so right."
Raven: "To feel the seabreeze on my cheeks so I'll never forget how my heart raced when we met"
Ryohei: "Let your waves crash down on me, and take me away, yeah~"
Raven: "Hey, even so, I can be as proud as anyone that the days we spent together weren't a lie."
Ryohei: "Lets see if we can turn the tide.."
Raven: "Because if it is us that exchange those little insignificant words they carry meaning."
Ryohei: "I'll believe all your lies just pretend you love me"
Raven: "I've been running until today, pretending that not being with you wasn't as painful as it is..."
Ryohei: "When I sleep I dream and it gets me by, I can make believe that youre here tonight"
Raven: "I want to see you, more than anyone else once more, I'd like you to take my hand in yours"
Ryohei "because so many things were left unsaid but now you're gone and i cant think straight this could be the one last chance to make you understand"
Raven: "I’d do anything Just to hold you in my arms To try to make you laugh Cuz somehow I can’t put you in the past I’d do anything Just to fall asleep with you"
Ryohei: "Will you remember me? cuz i know i won't forget you~"
Raven: "I promise you From the bottom of my heart I will love you ‘til death do us part I promise you As a lover and a friend I will love you like I’ll never love again With everything I am"
Ryohei: ..../////
The End. XD
- Mood: amused
I HOPE YOU ARE ALL STUFFED SILLY WITH TURKEY!!!
- Mood:
ecstatic
 Dear Santa...Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In July I donated bone marrow to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} idiotproof_fool in a life-saving procedure (300 points). Last week I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). In March I broke ravenshaoran's X-Box (-12 points). Last Saturday I helped dark_slytherin_ across the street (6 points). In June I pulled over and changed lain_chan16's flat tire (15 points). Overall, I've been nice (233 points). For Christmas I deserve a Nintendo Wii! Sincerely, |
- Mood: bouncy
From now I shall move forward into the light that I have been waiting for is just beyond my reach, out of my darkness and into my light. I shall fight and move forward in life in the name of new happiness and respect from where I have came from. I shall move forward, for myself my friend, my family, loved ones and God.
I love you all dearly...
- Mood:
determined - Music:Never Alone // Barlow Girl
Dear Rave,
I wish I could pour my heart into this paper. I wish I could put everything I feel into words... Most of all, I simply wish i could take away your pain and replace it with the bliss we all so surly diserve.
I'm sorry I hurt you. I know how hallow applogies start to sound, but I am sorry and full of regret for my actions. I used to think I was beyond people's influences on me. That my choices were my own; but somehow Steph got inside my head and whispered thoughts and wordsinto my brain. However I can't blame her influence on for for what I did. I take responsibility for my actions, I just don't know what to do with it. (My responsibilities and regrets)
You're not worthless and you do matter!!!
Don't love me, I can only cause people pain. I taint everything I touch, and something as fragile as one's heart breaks under my fingertips.
Love, sweet tormenture of the human soul... it is forever out of my grasp.
I just seem to have this incredible ability to make people fall inlove with me, but how quickly it turns sour. It always endsin heartache. Once I had a boyfriend tell me that I was destined to break his heart, he new this, but he told me that he couldn't end it before it happened because in that moment he loved me. He hates me now as I do him.
I guess I'm the one who evens out the side. Karma.
I am chaos.
Even if you love chaos, you can never be happy with it.
Trust me, being with me is the worst of two evils.
Love,
Jen.
---
If you are wondering why I wrote this out for everyone to read it's cause I'm sharing a piece of my past with you. I also what to let Jenna know where ever she is now that I pray that her own heart heals cause I know she was in alot of pain as was I. I pray where ever she is she is happy and safe, and to let her know I forgive her for everything that I hope she can forgive me as well.
- Mood:
thoughtful - Music:I Hate (Everything About You) // 3 Days Grace
Ok, so after Christmas shopping the other day when I was walking to my door a little fluffy black cat fallowed me from Ty's car to my door. It sat down and waited as I put down my bags and when I opened the door it darted in my house. Phoenix and Piper were as shock as I was by this. (Phoenix and Piper are my cats.)
Well after I got my stuff inside and the door closed I grabbed the cat before anything betweent he 3 cats could happen. I doubt anything would but just in case, ya know? Then took it upstairs to my room where I left it there for a few as I called my mom and got some food for her. The poor things was freezing cold. T___T
So I fed the kitty and let it warm up as II waited for my mom to come home. When my mom got home I kept the kitty calm as she went to look for the owner which had to be near by cause in our area... almost everybody knows everyone. Exept me, I don't know anyone in my area cause I hardly leave my house except to see my friends who don't live in my area. xD
The third place my mom checked which was around the corner was the cat's owner and then came to pick her up. Yup the kitty was a female like I had thought and her name turned out to be Spooky. Original name for a black cat eh?
A cute thing about Spooky was stuck to me like glue when she was here. She was alway touching me somehow and brushing up against me. I'd sit on my computer chair and she'd hop on my lap and watch the screen or when I laid down on my bed she was right beside me right up against me. ^__^
She was soo cute!!! xD
Too bad she had an owner, I would have kept her. lol.
I am glad we found the owner in the end though. ^.^
- Mood:
happy - Music:Dance, Dance // Fall out Boy
Wow, this will be my first serious post since making this journal. Well any way yesterday I spent a couple hours with a friend I haven't seen in awhile and it was like... OMG I MISSED YOU!!! *glomp glomp* only not so much glomping but I felt like it. Well any way, he helped me get some of my christmas shopping done. I shopped for... my grandparents and Juhnun (A close friend of mine who everyone wants me to marry including my mom.) XD Pressure much?
More on Juhnun in another post... I'll probably make him the feature of a special post or something. "The Story of Juhnun." XD
I was going to shop for Carly as well but as I was looking around I couldn't think of what to get her. She never expressed wanting anything and I don't know what she has manga/anime wise to get her anything like that. So I may get her a gift card for either The Comic Book Shoppe or Entertainment Ink. so she can choose what she'd like. I encountered the same problem with Juhnun, I was stumped. What do you get an actor? A religious one at that. I knew he liked to read but I didn't know what he likes to read so... yay for gift cards? I got him a gift card for Coles.
Before I go and get Carly a gift card or anything I'll go to the Comic Book Shoppe and talk to Toni if she's there cause she'll most likely know what Carly wants or needs as to volumes in manga which she doesn't have yet. Sounds like a plan, no?
My mom is picking up Janelle's present tonight on her way home. My mom really likes her, loves her as if she was her own daughter. I love as if she was my sister too. I've known her that long.
I spent a long time looking for something for my grandparents too. In the end I got them a combitation toaster and coffee maker. The toaster half is for Grandma and the Coffee maker half for Grandpa.
They are the ones I spent the most on this year, approx $50. Last year my mother got the big gift, I spent $110 for her present which was the mini series "Taken" which she really loved. The year before that it was my aunt who got the big gift which was in the 40 - 45 dollar range, I don't remember exactly how much it was 2 years ago. I got her a really nice clock for her new house. She needed a clock so I got her one. A mini Grandfather clock like clock thing, it was/is really cute.
I owe a big thanks to my friend who came with me on this shopping trip and be sure the next time I go out I'll get his present (I couldn't get his cause well he was there). Though I know it will have to do with either Trigun or Metal Gear Solid. He's obsessed. xD
Thank you Tyler!
Well anyhow... I got to go for now but I'll post again later, since something cute happened after shopping. =^_^=
It fallowed me home I swear. xD
- Location:My Room
- Music:Kiss // Antique Cafe
